My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
