this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
