I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
