He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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