I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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