if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
