Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
