i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
