Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What a dumb baby whore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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