I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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