Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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