Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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