My room smells like vodka and shame
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
