1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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