please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
