fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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