FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
