How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
