Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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