I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
