Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
