I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
