I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
