I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have aggressive nipples.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
