Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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