Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
