I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
