Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Randomize
