Your mouth is God's brothel.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
