Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
home. puking in laundry basket.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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