im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
