I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
