I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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