worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
