I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize