Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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