omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
