im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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