one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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