Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
