I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
