Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
