I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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