I wish my penis had an off switch
it wasn't lemon gatorade
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
