she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
