There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
