If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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