Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
