She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
