Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
