ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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