well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
