I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
