Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
