Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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