its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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