oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
