Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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