Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
