I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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