i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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