my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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