How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there is puke in my bra ... again
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