this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
