Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
