i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
