Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
